by Randall Allen Dunn

It’s the little things that lead a couple to divorce. What many people never discover is that the same little things can lead to a healthy marriage.

When I hear about couples having marital problems, whether on the television or in our neighborhood, I often wonder how they got to the place they’re at. And if they’re still married, how can they start moving to someplace better?

In the film, “Enchanted”, Giselle (Amy Adams) has a rosy, fairy-tale view of life. This is because she actually is a cartoon fairy tale woman, preparing to marry her prince. But the prince’s evil and insecure stepmother (Susan Sarandon) curses Giselle, transporting her into our world: the real world where “there are no happy endings”.

Giselle has a lot of trouble adapting to our world, especially since she doesn’t realize that she’s no longer living in her own country of Andalusia. In our world, streets are dark and dirty and dangerous, not bright and pretty and safe to walk on. People in our world can lie, steal, and attack you without warning. Our world is so bad that even ordinary citizens can be callous toward neighbors or even their own family and friends, as part of their daily routine.

Giselle learns this firsthand from Robert (Patrick Dempsey), a divorced lawyer and single parent who has grown disillusioned with the world, especially with marriage. Which is why he’s taking so long to propose to his girlfriend, Nancy.

Giselle can’t understand this. For her, romance comes as naturally as singing out loud in Central Park (which also comes naturally to her). She figures that Robert just needs to do something spontaneous and romantic to smooth everything out with Nancy.

Robert’s more practical than that. He’s also less romantic than that.

So Giselle helps him out by recruiting two birds to take Nancy some flowers and an invitation to a dance – something that also comes naturally to her. Robert gets an immediate call from Nancy, who is thrilled and eager to go to the dance. Her trust and love for Robert have been fully renewed.

All over a simple romantic act.

Of course, it’s not always that simple. Especially when there’s been a long history of disappointments between two people. If there’s also been a long history of attempts to smooth the waters with a romantic gift, then it’s less likely that the same routine will work yet another time, unless there is a clear demonstration of changed behavior to go with it.

So what’s the solution, when a couple is growing apart and they’re at odds with one another? When communication and trust have broken down and they can’t even be comfortable around each other anymore?

When it gets to that point, I can’t tell you that there’s still a chance to stay together. After all, both people have to agree to make it work. But you can start with yourself, and what you’re willing to do.

When Giselle meets a couple in Robert’s law office and learns they’re planning to get divorced, she begins to cry. Divorce doesn’t exist in her world. When people get married, they stay together. Forever.

The couple becomes upset at Giselle’s reaction, and they both storm out of the office.

But a few days later, they’re back in Robert’s office – together. Holding hands, smiling, enjoying each other. The husband explains that they talked and decided to work things out. After Giselle had complimented his wife on her beautiful hair, he had remembered that her hair was the first thing that had attracted him to her. And then he started remembering all the other little things that he loved about his wife.

Robert is concerned that they’re being unrealistic, because they might not be able to make it work. After all, they have serious problems. Just the other day, they had been arguing over who would get possession of a prize baseball card.

The wife admits that they have problems and they don’t know if it will work out. But everyone has problems. So why not try?

Many people look at divorce as a safety hatch. A convenient escape from a marriage that isn’t working out the way they thought it would. They fix all of their attention on the problems in their marriage, making themselves miserable and amplifying the negative aspects of their partner.

And then they simply stop trying. They ignore all the little things they have enjoyed in their marriage over the years and emphasize the negative aspects. Which leads them to believe that all those nice things about marriage no longer matter. It never occurs to them that their problems can be overcome with some time and effort, and are actually less important than the good things they’re letting go. The good things that they’ll miss after the divorce is finalized.

Find the good. If you don’t have any hope for working through the problems of your marriage, then you’re not likely to succeed in resolving them. Change your expectation and find something positive. Both for the future, when your marriage improves, and for the present, to see the good things you already have, even in the midst of your problems.

When you appreciate what you already have, you’re less likely to lose it later on – and have to look back with regret.

Find more reviews of “Enchanted” at amazon.com!

by Randall Allen Dunn

Somewhere in the middle of their lives, people start wondering where their life is headed. Some people conclude that they’re heading nowhere. At least, nowhere near the dreams they had in their youth.

And so they suffer a mid-life crisis. That time of life when people try to either re-claim lost dreams, or search for brand new ones. Men buy that motorcycle and leather jacket they always wanted and start cruising the neighborhood with their sparse hair slicked back. Women consider a new hairstyle, new outfits, or even new surgery, and plan a wild spontaneous getaway somewhere far from their kids. People cash in their savings accounts and mortgage their homes to invest in their sure-fire business plan, like starting a whole grain donut shop or a bowling alley for grade schoolers.

People get a little crazy. Because they’re feeling a little desperate. Desperate to lay hold of their lost youth or lost dreams. Desperate to feel they still have something to contribute. Desperate to prove that they still have some life left in them.

In the 1970’s TV series, “The Partridge Family”, Shirley Partridge (Shirley Jones) is a single mom raising five kids. Her children have formed a band and recruit Shirley to join them, after which they all make the pop charts. Their regular music tours help bring in the extra income they need, while making them a household name.

In one episode, Shirley’s father, Fred (Ray Bolger), longing for the spotlight, hopes to join the family on stage. He’s grown frustrated with his wife, Amanda (Rosemary DeCamp), who can’t appreciate his connection to the changes in modern times. He wants to wear sideburns, go skydiving, and have her wear a mini-skirt!

Convinced that his electrified mandolin (no, really!) will appeal to the “hip” crowd, Fred agrees to audition for the family’s manager, Reuben Kincaid (Dave Madden). Shirley figures that her father’s crazy plans will be put to rest once Reuben officially rejects his terrible performance.

Unfortunately, Reuben doesn’t realize that the band wanted him to pass Fred’s act. He assumes it’s meant as a fun joke, having an elderly man act like a teenager. He tells Fred his act is great fun and “really campy”.

Fred is elated. Until he learns from one of the youngest kids what “campy” actually means: something so corny that people laugh at it.

Fred is crushed, and Amanda’s heart goes out to him. But he stubbornly refuses to let Amanda or anyone else know how he’s feeling. He prepares to go onstage, as planned, still hoping to win over the younger crowd.

But as he is about to play, Amanda stands up among the audience and asks if he would take a song request. Fred is aghast, especially when Amanda asks him to play “Bye, Bye, Blackbird”, the song they courted to. Fred insists that none of the kids there will want to listen to “that old song”!

But when everyone applauds Amanda’s romantic request, Fred is forced to give in.

The song begins slow and tender, like a Tony Bennett ballad. But when Fred begins the second verse, he is surprised to hear the rest of the band singing back-up for him. They had set him up with a song he could sing well, and built it up by accompanying him with a modern sound. Suddenly, Fred discovers that his “old song” doesn’t sound all that bad.

In a mid-life crisis, people try to transform themselves into someone new. Someone who could accomplish the things that they never accomplished. This can be very productive, leading people to finish out their college degrees or join a volunteer service organization.

But the problem with having a mid-life crisis is that people often reject everything that they have already achieved in life. Whether or not they fit with that person’s original plans, those achievements are still important. They’re still part of that person.

Don’t get so desperate to become someone new that you reject the person you’ve already become. Chase down new dreams. But keep singing the “old songs” that have made you the person you are.

Find more reviews of “The Partridge Family Season 1” on amazon.com!

by Randall Allen Dunn

Listening to the K-LOVE radio station, I heard an excerpt from the new book, Decision Points, in which former president George W. Bush describes how he deepened his faith. It would have seemed, to Bush and others around him, that he already had faith, since he had attended church services for many years and enjoyed reading the Bible.

Through a meeting with Billy Graham, Bush discovered that what he thought he was pursuing through religion was far from what he intended to pursue – something that could only come through genuine faith. In the following excerpt, Bush describes his discovery of what faith actually is, and what it is not.

In the summer of 1985, we took our annual trip to Maine. Mother and Dad had invited the great evangelical preacher Billy Graham…

…I was captivated by Billy. He had a powerful presence, full of kindness and grace, and a keen mind. The next day, he asked me to go for a walk around the property. He asked about my life in Texas. I talked to him about the girls and shared my thought that reading the Bible could make me a better person. In his gentle, loving way, Billy began to deepen my shallow understanding of faith. “There’s nothing wrong with using the Bible as a guide to self-improvement,” he said. “Jesus’ life provides a powerful example for our own. But self-improvement is not really the point of the Bible. The center of Christianity is not the self. It is Christ.”

Billy explained that we are all sinners, and that we cannot earn God’s love through good deeds. He made clear that the path to salvation is through the grace of God. And the way to find that grace is to embrace Christ as the risen Lord—the son of a God so powerful and loving that He gave His only son to conquer death and defeat sin.

These were profound concepts, and I did not fully grasp them that day. But Billy had planted a seed. His thoughtful explanation had made the soil less firm and the brambles less thick…

…At first I was troubled by my doubts. The notion of a living God was a big leap, especially for someone with a logical mind like mine. Surrendering yourself to an Almighty is a challenge to the ego. But I came to realize that struggles and doubts are natural parts of faith. If you haven’t doubted, you probably haven’t thought very hard about what you believe.

Ultimately, faith is a walk—a journey toward greater understanding. It is not possible to prove God’s existence, but that cannot be the standard for belief. After all, it is equally impossible to prove He doesn’t exist. In the end, whether you believe or don’t believe, your position is based on faith.

That realization freed me to recognize signs of God’s presence. I saw the beauty of nature, the wonder of my little girls, the abiding love of Laura and my parents, and the freedom that comes with forgiveness—all what the preacher Timothy Keller calls “clues of God.” I moved ahead more confidently on my walk. Prayer was the nourishment that sustained me. As I deepened my understanding of Christ, I came closer to my original goal of being a better person—not because I was racking up points on the positive side of the heavenly ledger, but because I was moved by God’s love.

Find more reviews of Decision Points at amazon.com!

by Randall Allen Dunn

I’ve always hated love songs that gush about the immeasurable magnitude of someone’s great love, while making claims that are obviously untrue. Like, “I’ve loved you before time began”, or “I would give up everything I am for you”, or “I would jump into the hottest volcano just for one more minute with you.” Things like that.

As much as these romantic claims might make a woman’s heart soar, they’re never really going to happen. Which means they’re very easy to say.

In the movie, “Honeymoon in Vegas”, Jack Singer (Nicolas Cage) is afraid of marriage. As a private investigator, he sees married people cheating on their spouses day after day, and night after night. So he’s not eager to propose to his long-standing girlfriend, Betsy (Sarah Jessica Parker).

But Betsy makes it clear that she’s waited long enough. She needs to know if she and Jack are ever going to get married, or if he’s just pulling her chain. She needs to know that he plans to make a commitment to her.

Jack finally forces down his fears and jumps into his commitment headfirst, suggesting that they go straight to Las Vegas and get married there. She’s thrilled, and they set off for a vacation and a quick wedding.

But while they’re there, a rich professional gambler, Tommy Korman (James Caan), also notices Betsy, who reminds him of his late wife. So he invites Jack to a card game, providing him with a good supply of starting cash. Once Jack starts winning a little and then draws an incredible hand – a straight flush – Jack asks to borrow a several thousand dollars in order to make a final bet.

Unfortunately, his “unbeatable” straight flush is beaten – by a single trumping card.

Jack now owes Tommy thousands upon thousands of dollars that he does not have, and won’t earn for many years to come.

Tommy suggests a way out. He explains that he noticed Jack’s girlfriend, and asks if he could simply spend some time with her, in lieu of taking the small fortune that Jack owes him.

Having no choice, Jack mournfully explains the situation to Betsy. She reluctantly agrees to meet with Tommy for dinner. But she finds herself so charmed by Tommy that she agrees to spend the weekend at his retreat in Hawaii.

Jack spends the rest of the film chasing after them, to make sure Betsy is all right, while Tommy and his men do their worst to keep Jack away.

Meanwhile, Betsy is torn. She came to Vegas to get married to Jack, not to be whisked away by Tommy. But Tommy tells her that Jack had offered her up during the card game, as a way of getting out of his bet. She believes Tommy’s lie, and all the other charming lies he tells her, including this one:

“I’d throw myself in front of a train for you.”

Really? A train? You mean if you saw a train rushing toward you, and you wanted to prove your love to your girlfriend, you would hurl yourself on the tracks?

I don’t think so. Even if you tried, you know the girl would pull you back. If there would ever actually be a reason to throw yourself in front of a train for someone.

Of course, there never would be. So it’s easy to say.

By the end, Tommy and Betsy head back to Vegas. Having been unable to reach Jack to talk things over with him, Betsy is now ready to marry Tommy. Until Jack makes his way back to her among a group of Flying Elvises – Elvis impersonators who parachute out of a plane.

Later, when Betsy discovers how abusive and dangerous Tommy really is, she finds herself running from Tommy’s men through a crowd of Las Vegas tourists. Then she hears the announcement of the Flying Elvises landing nearby, with the newest Flying Elvis: Jack Singer!

She turns to see Jack land and she rushes to his arms, frightened that he would take such a crazy risk. She recognizes instantly that Jack will do what he must in order to stay with Betsy and protect her.

Seeing that Jack has jumped out of a plane for Betsy, Tommy gives up the fight. Jack actually did the sort of outlandish act that Tommy could only promise to do.

The problem with claims of undying, immeasurable love is exactly that. Anyone can claim it, because no one can ever measure it to prove whether or not it’s true.

Don’t fall for cheap talk, no matter how romantic or flowery it sounds. Watch how someone treats their friends and their family. Watch how they react to everyday situations, like paying bills, doing chores, or dealing with traffic.

Then you’ll know whether they have what it takes to throw themselves in front of a train for you … should the need ever arise.

Find more reviews of “Honeymoon in Vegas” at amazon.com!