by Randall Allen Dunn

When people don’t have much in the way of material things, they often imagine that a pile of money will solve all of their problems. They want to earn more, win more, or inherit more so that they can buy all the things they’ve ever wanted. A dream house, a dream car, a dream life.

Unfortunately, it really is true that money doesn’t buy happiness.

Just take a look at somebody who’s got a lot of it. Money might bring security, but it doesn’t always make wealthy people feel secure, let alone bring them peace or contentment.

In the musical, “Annie”, a young girl named Annie (Alicia Morton) sits looking out the window of her orphanage, dreaming of the day her parents will return for her, She knows they will someday because they left a note when they dropped her off, saying they’ll come back when they’re able to take care of her. She wonders if “Maybe” they’re thinking of her, too.

Although she is poor and away from her parents, living a “Hard-Knock Life”, Annie maintains a positive attitude, knowing the sun will come up “Tomorrow”. Meanwhile, she’s impatient to find her parents, and to escape Miss Hannigan (Cathy Bates), the abusive orphanage director, who just so happens to hate “Little Girls”.

When Annie’s latest escape attempt fails and Miss Hannigan prepares to give her excessive chores, a well-dressed woman arrives at the orphanage. She introduces herself as Grace Farrell (Audra McDonald), the personal secretary to Oliver Warbucks (Victor Garber), the wealthiest man in town.  Having been an orphan himself, Mr. Warbucks wants to make a charitable act by offering a young orphan the chance to spend Christmas at his mansion.

Grace picks Annie, despite Miss Hannigan’s protests.

Mr. Warbucks is flustered upon seeing Annie. “You’re a girl,” he tells her. “Orphans are boys.”

Annie prepares to make a gracious exit, but Mr. Warbucks then urges her to stay. Unfortunately, he has no idea what to actually do with her. He goes about his usual business, while Annie insists on watching him work. He tries to explain that he has a lot to do, and suggests that Annie go into town to watch a movie with Grace. When Annie asks movies are like, having never seen one, Mr. Warbucks is surprised. When he learns that Annie has never enjoyed a single one of New York’s sights, he finally decides to take her into the city himself.

Annie soon wins his heart, and Mr. Warbucks realizes that he wants her to stay with him beyond the holidays. He wants to adopt her himself.

He tells Annie that he worked hard his entire life to build up an empire, to make sure that he made enough money to have everything he could ever want. But he tells Annie that he now realizes “Something Was Missing”: someone to share it with.

Sadly, Annie can’t commit to having Mr. Warbucks adopt her because she’s still waiting for her real parents to come back for her. Though deeply disappointed, Warbucks offers to use all of his resources to help find Annie’s parents, even offering a large reward for anyone who can prove that Annie is their little girl. He’s willing to do anything to make Annie happy.

Meanwhile, Miss Hannigan schemes with her brother, Rooster (Alan Cummings), and his less-than-clever girlfriend, Lily St. Regis (Kristin Chenoweth), to con Mr. Warbucks out of the fifty thousand dollar reward. They’re convinced that all that money will have them living on “Easy Street”. So Hannigan and Rooster pose as Annie’s “real” parents, while Lily watches the kids at the orphanage.

But their plans fall apart when Lily realizes that she can’t trust Rooster to return with the cash once they collect on Warbucks’ reward. She blows their scam wide open, arriving at the Warbucks mansion with an army of orphans.

Annie then learns the sad news that her real parents passed away years ago. Her dream of finding them is nothing more than an empty dream.

But she can still take hold of her dream for finding a home, where she knows she’ll always be loved. She accepts Mr. Warbucks’ offer for adoption, and they both find what they’ve been searching for, as they each decide “I Don’t Need Anything But You.”

Money can’t buy you happiness. Until you know the love of family and friends, there will always be something missing.

Don’t miss out by focusing all you energy on making more money, thinking that extra overtime hours or a lottery ticket will propel you to “Easy Street”, where you’ll finally be happy. Spend time with your loved ones. That’s where your real riches lie.

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by Randall Allen Dunn

Most us like to receive second chances, but we don’t always like to give them out to others. When someone has hurt you deeply and repeatedly, it’s hard to forgive them.

It’s even harder to believe that person could ever change.

In the film, “You Again”, Marney Olivia Olsen (Kristen Bell) has suffered a traumatic high school life. On top of her large-rimmed glasses and acne, her initials spell ‘MOO”, which made her an easy target for the popular girls to abuse. Chief among the abusers was “JJ” (Odette Yustman), who made it her mission to make Marney’s life miserable.

Fortunately, Marney has grown up and moved on, becoming a successful publicist who has just earned a big promotion as vice president for a New York office. Her high school days are far behind her.

Until she learns that her big brother’s fiancée, Joanna, is actually “JJ”, her old high school nemesis. With the frightening prospect of facing JJ again, all of Marni’s high school fears and insecurities resurface.

But when they meet, Joanna doesn’t seem to even remember Marni. Having decided to pursue a career in nursing to serve others, Joanna seems to be a completely changed person. Too good to be true, in Marney’s opinion. She’s convinced that it’s all just an act.

She soon discovers that Joanna remembers high school very well, in every detail, including her endless abuse of Marni. So Marni sets out to expose her secret and reveal Joanna’s true nature to her unsuspecting brother, Will (James Wolk).

Marni’s mother, Gail (Jamie Lee Curtis), encourages her to let bygones be bygones. She explains that she suffered traumatic times in high school, too, but it’s all in the past. “Everybody deserves a second chance,” she tells her.

But this is before Gail meets Joanna’s Aunt Mona, who she recognizes as Ramona (Sigourney Weaver), her former best friend from high school … who pushed her into a swimming pool on their prom night. While Gail wants her daughter to forgive and forget, she’s finding it hard to show Ramona the same kindness.

Ultimately, Marni and Gail both realize they had mis-read and misjudged their arch-enemies from high school. Marni discovers that Joanna truly has changed and wants to make amends. Gail learns that her best friend always felt inferior to her and didn’t know how to handle her jealous feelings.

Most of us never get the opportunity to see our enemies that closely. The person they hide beneath the surface. Of course, it’s even harder to find that hidden person when we’re expecting to see the horrible enemy we’re used to. Our own bitterness can blind us from seeing a person for who they really are, or in some cases, who they really were.

As difficult as it is, try to give your old enemies a second chance. Even a third and fourth, or more. When someone has messed up their life – or yours – it can take time to change their old patterns. Give them that time, and the benefit of the doubt. Whether they ever truly change or not, allowing them the freedom to do so will change your own heart … and help to finally heal those old wounds.

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by Randall Allen Dunn

Her eyes, her eyes

Make the stars look like they’re not shining.

Her hair, her hair

Falls perfectly without her trying.

She’s so beautiful

And I tell her every day.

Sometimes it’s hard to convince the one you love that they’re lovable. Let alone beautiful or smart or impressive. I often hear women shrugging off compliments from their husbands or boyfriends. They can’t understand how any man – even the one they love – could possibly be so impressed with them, so they refuse to believe the words they’re hearing.

Yeah, I know, I know

When I compliment her,

She won’t believe me.

And its so, it’s so

Sad to think she don’t see what I see …

It shouldn’t be surprising, though. These days, women are expected to live up to ridiculous standards. They have to be as beautiful as a supermodel, as successful as a CEO, or as efficient in running a home as Supernanny before anyone chooses to be impressed with them. No wonder most women feel they don’t measure up, when the standard of measure is that they become perfect.

It doesn’t help when the rest of us go along with that standard, believing it’s normal to expect women to look like supermodels, or run a company, or manage a well-oiled household with five perfectly behaved children.

When we apply a more realistic standard for what attracts us, we’ll find that our loved ones have plenty to offer. No one is perfect, but everyone has something they do well, and everyone can choose to become kind and loving. Things that we can show endless appreciation for.

After my second date with Nicki, I didn’t think the relationship would go anywhere. It didn’t seem like we had enough in common. So I decided to call her and break things off rather than continue leading her on. (I was very short-sighted at the time.)

This was extremely discouraging to my brother and his wife, who had just met the girl I planned to “dump” after two dates. Robert and Laura had seen plenty of things to love in Nicki , and so had their kids. “We really like her,” Laura had told me. “And the kids like her. And they don’t like any of the other girls you’ve brought around.”

Robert encouraged me to go out with Nicki one more time, just to make sure. He suggested that I stop worrying about the things that might pose a problem, at least for one night. Instead, he suggested I focus on all the things I liked about her.

So I did. I asked Nicki out again and decided to relax. I considered what made me ask her out in the first place, when we met at a party the weekend before, and what had attracted me to her since then. Her kindness, her strong moral convictions, her caring, her sense of humor, her friendliness, her smile … once I started thinking about a few of those things, I kept thinking of more and more. There was actually a lot to love about her! In fact, there was so much to attract me to Nicki that the other concerns soon become insignificant.

But every time she asks me, “Do I look okay?”

I say,

“When I see your face,

There’s not a thing that I would change.

‘cause you’re amazing

Just the way you are.

And when you smile,

The whole world stops and stares for awhile.

‘cause, girl, you’re amazing

Just the way you are.”

That’s what it means to fall in love. Not to find your “dream girl” who is everything you ever imagined you would want, but to find a real person who amazes you so much that you no longer care about their minor human flaws. You can’t really love someone until you get to know them, and become so enthralled by who they are that nothing could tear you away from them.

Oh, you know, you know, you know

I’d never ask you to change.

If perfect is what you’re searching for

Then just stay the same.

Make sure your loved one knows how much you appreciate them for who they are. Guys, you don’t need a supermodel or a supermom. Ladies, you don’t need a doctor or a lawyer or a Red Cross volunteer. You just need to take a few minutes to consider all the wonderful things you already have in the one you love.

And then tell them about it.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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by Randall Allen Dunn

If Nicki and I had watched the first twenty minutes of “50 First Dates” without knowing what came later, we would have shut it off. It’s filled with unsavory characters, overt innuendos, and crude humor that would even disgust most third graders.

Yet overall, the film is a powerful and inspiring romance.

Like this movie, many details in life can lead us to give up on something – or someone – early in a relationship. Long before we have the opportunity to enjoy the rewards. When we see the initial drawbacks of such a relationship, we often decide it’s not worthwhile to  invest any additional time with that person.

In the film, Henry Roth (Adam Sandler) is a womanizing marine veterinarian, maintaining his operations – on animals and female tourists – from his home in Hawaii. Henry poses as an intriguing doctor, lawyer, or secret agent, to get visiting women into bed, then quickly breaks up with them over some phony “emergency”.

But when he meets art teacher Lucy Whitmore (Drew Barrymore) at a restaurant, he breaks his rule against dating locals. Lucy is just so enchanting, and they immediately hit it off. So well that she eagerly agrees to meet Henry back at the café for breakfast the next day.

But when he arrives the next day, Lucy doesn’t even remember meeting Henry.

The café owner privately reveals to Henry that Lucy suffers from a rare form of amnesia, which prevents her from remembering any new information for more than a day. Every day when she wakes up, Lucy thinks it is her father’s birthday – again. Every day, she goes to the same café for breakfast, before heading home to prepare for the birthday celebration. To avoid telling her about the traumatic car accident that caused her memory loss, Lucy’s father, Marlin (Blake Clark), and her brother, Doug (Sean Astin), go to great lengths to “play along” each day, celebrating Marlin’s birthday over and over again.

Henry creates various ways to “meet” Lucy again each day. At first, Marlin and Doug don’t trust his intentions. But they soon realize that Lucy sings happily to herself on the days that she meets Henry.

Still, Marlin asks Henry what’s in it for him. Henry nods toward Lucy, singing in the background. “I don’t know. But wouldn’t you want to spend an hour a day with that?”

Henry has fallen so in love with Lucy that he doesn’t want anyone else. And he’ll go to any lengths to be with her.

After regaining Lucy’s trust, Henry and the family visit her doctor (Dan Akroyd), who explains that her condition is incurable. Henry then persuades Marlin and Doug that it’s better to risk telling Lucy the truth each morning, rather than replay the same scenario over and over, never letting her experience anything new. He plays her a videotape to quickly show her how the accident caused her amnesia, and how she started dating Henry. Once Lucy recovers from the initial shock and sadness, she’s ready to enjoy her day with everyone.

She and Henry do something new and fun every day, though Lucy doesn’t remember it afterward. Or that they’ve been dating for weeks, not just a single day. But she comes to trust Henry enough to believe in their ongoing relationship, seeing how he proves his love to her day after day.

But when she learns that the time Henry’s invested in her makes it impossible for him to take his dream boat trip, she insists that they break up. She wants him to be free to live his own life, instead of only helping her regain hers every day. She insists that he join her in destroying all the evidence they had written and recorded of their relationship, so that he can be free to date someone who won’t tie him down so much.

Henry reluctantly agrees to let Lucy forget him, and prepares to take his trip. Before he sets sail, Marlin informs him that Lucy checked herself into an institute, where she is doing well and is able to teach art classes again. Marlin sends Henry off with a gift, a Beach Boys CD of songs that Lucy always sang when thinking of Henry. On his dream trip, listening to the song, “Wouldn’t It Be Nice?”, Henry is miserable, longing to be with Lucy instead.

Then he realizes that the CD was a clue from Marlin that Lucy still remembers him. He abandons his boat trip and returns to find her.

When she sees Henry again, Lucy immediately drags him back to her private studio, where Henry finds multiple paintings of himself. She has no idea who Henry is, but she’s been dreaming of him almost every night, and doesn’t know why.

Henry explains, “You erased me from your memories because you thought you were holding me back from having a full and happy life. But you made a mistake. Being with you is the only way I can have a full and happy life. You’re the girl of my dreams, and apparently, I’m the man of yours.”

Later, Lucy wakes up to another videotaped message from Henry, explaining her memory loss and bringing her up to date with what’s happening in her life. She emerges from her bedroom, stepping up onto the deck of a boat: Henry’s boat. Henry is there with Marlin, and Lucy’s daughter. Henry’s persistence has paid off, allowing him to date and marry and even start a family with Lucy.

Most people would have given up long ago. It’s not always easy dealing with someone’s special needs. It takes extra effort and patience, just as it takes extra effort and patience for those people to manage their own lives in a different way. Some people are not interested in working with someone’s unique situation. Until something traumatic happens to someone they love dearly. Dearly enough to make them see that it’s worth it to put in the extra time.

When you love someone, you do what it takes to be with them, and to help them live life to its fullest. Any relationship involves some degree of inconveniencing yourself. The measure of comfort you choose to sacrifice for someone else is the measure of your love for them.

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