by Randall Allen Dunn

Some people dread holiday get-togethers.

Specifically, they dread getting together with certain people.

Those friends and family members you see occasionally, out of sheer obligation. Not necessarily because want to spend more time with them.

Those people who have the unique skill to get on your every last nerve, pressing every one of your buttons until you can actually feel your own blood pressure rising. Such people can quickly ruin your entire holiday.

At least, it feels that way.

In the film, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, Neal Page (Steve Martin) meets just such a person: Del Griffith (John Candy), as he completes a business trip in New York City and prepares to fly back home to Chicago for Thanksgiving. Neal first meets Del in a taxi cab headed to the airport: Neal’s taxi cab, which Del unwittingly took from him. Del apologizes for the mistake when they meet up again at the airport. He insists on making up for it somehow, but Neal brushes off his gesture, not wanting to be bothered any further.

Then he finds himself sitting next to Del on the plane, where Del proceeds to remove his shoes to air out his tired, smelly feet near Neal’s face.

When a blizzard in Chicago diverts their flight to Wichita, Kansas, Del secures them a motel room for the night, after most hotels are booked by the other stranded passengers. Unfortunately, Del forgets to make sure the room has more than one bed. The next morning, they discover that a thief has broken into their room and stolen their traveling cash, totally $963.00 between them.

Neal is more than grateful to part ways with Del, blaming him for most of their misfortunes, and having had his fill of Del’s obnoxious personality and incessant conversation.

But as Neal’s problems keep piling up, his own blood pressure nearly shoots through the roof. He rents a car, only to find an empty parking space where his rental should be. Running into Neal again, Del provides him with a ride in his own rented car. But they barely avoid a collision with two oncoming trucks, due to Del’s negligent driving, as they drive on the wrong side of the highway. They walk away from the rental car, shell-shocked, as it catches fire, and they watch it burn up from a safe distance. Neal finally has a reason to smile, seeing Del get a taste of his own destructive medicine. Until Neal realizes that Del had “borrowed” his credit card to rent the vehicle after their money was stolen.

Neal finally says good-bye to Del and boards a train headed for home. Riding peacefully over the rails, he anticipates the Thanksgiving feast with his family in his warm, inviting house.

Which leads him to question some references Del had made about his wife, Marie. Paricularly an odd statement that Del had not been home in years.

Neal returns to the train station to find Del still there, alone on a bench. Del confesses that Marie died eight years earlier, and he’s now homeless.

Neal’s blood pressure has settled a little by now. He sees that some things are more important than a person’s obnoxious habits. Like showing kindness and hospitality to a friend in need. He invites Del to spend Thanksgiving with his family.

If you’re dreading the time you’ll spend with certain people at Thanksgiving or other holiday celebrations, ask yourself how much those annoying habits really matter. Overlooking the little things might open a door for a better relationship with that person, one in which they can learn to respect and accept you in the same way.

Instead of focusing on the things that irritate you, focus on that person’s good qualities and enjoy the time you have with them. You might not always have the opportunity to appreciate it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Find more reviews of “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” at amazon.com!

by Randall Allen Dunn

However, it was not Lisbeth Salander’s astonishing lack of emotional involvement that most upset him. Milton’s image was one of conservative stability. Salander fitted into this picture about as well as a buffalo at a boat show. Armansky’s star researcher was a pale, anorexic young woman who had hair as short as a fuse, and a pierced nose and eyebrows. She has a wasp tattoo about an inch long on her neck, a tattooed loop around the biceps of her left arm and another around her left ankle. On those occasions when she had been wearing a tank top, Armansky also saw that she had a dragon tattoo on her left shoulder blade. She was a natural redhead, but she dyed her hair raven black. She looked as though she had just emerged from a week-long orgy with a gang of hard rockers.

We all encounter some people that we just don’t know how to handle. People can be so deeply hurt by others that they have trouble forming new relationships, even with people who seem really friendly and nice. It helps to remember that those people don’t always know how to handle us, either. Especially if we approach them with a sense of judgment or control, demanding that they look and act a certain way before we can spend time with them.

Without knowing the private details, most of us probably know someone who has suffered unspeakable abuse at the hands of others. Physical, verbal, sexual. One person assumes power over another – or is given responsibility to care for another – and abuses that person. Sometimes as part of an ongoing and horrifying routine. The victim is trapped, unable to defend themselves or even seek help, having no one they can count on to believe and support them. And so the abuse continues.

Later, that victim has to go out in public, putting a plastic smile on their face to hide their shame and fear and pain. Knowing that the abuse will continue, and they can do nothing to stop it.

If that sounds shocking to you, that people can continue to suffer ongoing abuse with no ability to call in authorities to help, then you will likely be shocked by The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. It’s not for the faint of heart, or the weak of stomach.

The young woman of the title, Lisbeth Salander, is something of a modern-day Sherlock Holmes. She provides a stark contrast to modern thinking in the same way that Arthur Conan Doyle’s character did to Victorian society. While the vast majority of English society believed in limitless expansion of knowledge and imperial growth, Holmes scoffed at those who judged by outward appearances and contemporary trends. He saw the mind as a limited space that should not be cluttered with needless information, and he distrusted the authorities – especially those of Scotland Yard – to carry out their duties properly. Instead of rounding up the usual suspects and theorizing a crime, Holmes drew concrete conclusions from objects found at the crime scene. His strange, alternative methods for solving cases provided the foundation for forensic science, and for many other literary detectives that followed his example.

Like Holmes, Lisbeth Salander is such a unique individual that she defies every category. Even her closest associate, Dragan Armansky, her CEO at Milton Security, can’t understand her, or why she refuses to even try to fit in socially. Yet he can’t deny that she gets results no one else can.

Armansky was bewildered and also angry with himself for having so obviously misjudged her. He had taken her for stupid, maybe even retarded. He had not expected that a girl who had cut so many classes in school that she did not graduate could write a report so grammatically correct. It also contained etailed observations and information, and he quite simply could not comprehend how she could have acquired such facts.

He could not imagine that anyone else at Milton Security would have lifted excerpts from the confidential journal of a doctor at a women’s crisis centre. When he asked her how she had managed that, she told him that she had no intention of burning her sources. It became clear that Salander was not going to discuss her work methods, either with him or with anyone else.

The fact is, Lisbeth Salander is an extremely accomplished investigator, who puts her competitors to shame. But she doesn’t – and won’t – fit in. While most of us can admire her talents, we might not feel comfortable sitting down with her for dinner. Not because she wears dark Goth clothing and make-up. Not because she conveys an air of disdain and superiority in those rare moments when she speaks at all. Not because she seems full of pent-up hostility. But because Lisbeth gives the distinct impression that she doesn’t actually want you there, since she doesn’t really trust anyone. And if she can’t trust you, how can you ever be friends with her?

It’s a question Lisbeth often asks of herself, wondering how she can fit in with others. And whether such a thing is even possible, for someone like her.

Lisbeth harshly condemns the self-deluded way people think and act in modern society, just as Holmes did. But while Holmes criticized it as an observer, Lisbeth criticizes it as one of its victims.

Lisbeth developed her own sense of justice at an early age, having witnessed her father’s relentless physical abuse of her mother. She developed an intense hatred for men who abuse women. When she was attacked by a school bully, she exacted her revenge the next day by beating him severely with a baseball bat. Similar instances of violence, along with drunken nights spent on the street with older men, led the courts to determine that Lisbeth was a dangerous and psychotic girl in desperate need of rehabilitative therapy.

Not yet an adult, Lisbeth is assigned a legal guardian. After her previous guardian suffers a stroke, Lisbeth is assigned to a new one, Nils Bjurman, who refuses to let her control her own finances. He then proceeds to quietly rape her, knowing she can never testify against him as a credible witness. He doesn’t use physical force, since one word from him could land Lisbeth in jail, with no one to believe her story. After all, she’s got a nasty reputation as a problem child, and Nils Bjurman is a respected member of society.

You see how it works.

Lisbeth later ensures that her corrupt guardian can never hurt her again. Which probably makes her a heroine to many abuse victims throughout the world, who could never find a way to escape the power of their abusers.

But it doesn’t help Lisbeth to live her life. To go out into the world and feel like a normal human being. Let alone be treated by one.

That’s where other people come in. Lisbeth later meets Mikhail Blomkvist, a disgraced journalist who has been summoned to solve a decades-old murder. She was assigned to use her impressive computer hacking and investigative skills to do a thorough background check on Blomkvist for the Vanger family that had considered hiring him. When Blomkvist learns this, he is shocked and angry, but he recognizes that Lisbeth’s impressive abilities can help him solve his case. He meets her at her apartment, refusing to apologize for what she sees as an invasion of her privacy. After all, she gave the Vanger family a very thorough report on his own life.

Lisbeth feels utterly uncomfortable working with a partner. Especially an adult man. But when she sees that Blomkvist has no interest in her sexually, no interest in controlling her, no interest in harming her in any way – she agrees to help him.

Though Lisbeth’s antisocial behavior continues to puzzle Blomkvist, he allows her to be herself, without judgment. Giving Lisbeth the opportunity to trust him. Over time, though she still insists on keeping him at arm’s length, she is able to accept Blomkvist as a partner. And even as a friend.

When you meet people like Lisbeth who have received rough handling from abusive people, don’t be shocked if they seem defensive and have trouble trusting you. Trusting others hasn’t worked out so well for them in the past. Treat them with care, patience and respect.

We can’t always relate to other people’s perspective, especially if they’ve been hardened through years of abuse or harsh treatment. But we can remain open to them, ready to show hospitality and friendliness. And after that, we can wait – patiently – for those people to feel comfortable enough to trust us more.

Be careful how you judge others. Their behavior might seem strange or difficult to handle, but beneath the surface, that person might just need assurance that you’re a person they can trust over the long haul.

One less rejection from you can go a long way toward establishing trust.

Find more reviews of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo at amazon.com!

by Randall Allen Dunn

Have you ever expected to receive a promotion or other career opportunity, only to find it yanked out from under you?

Have you discovered, on closer inspection, that maybe you weren’t the best person for that job? That maybe you presumed to be something that, perhaps, you were not?

We all suffer from delusions of grandeur at some point in our lives. Most of us experience it as young adults, in high school and college. Those times when we believe we know the right way to handle every situation, if someone would just step aside and let us take charge.

But pushing leaders out of the way isn’t the mark of a great leader. Or even a good one. It’s the mark of foolish pride and inexperience.

The film, “Thor”, shows such a leader in the making. Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is prepared for his inauguration as king of Asgard, a galactic realm populated by men and women known to Earth’s history knows as Nordic gods. Thor is a great champion, brave and strong and decisive.

And he knows it.

This makes his father, Odin (Anthony Hopkins), wonder if Thor is ready to rule. Especially when Thor ignores Odin’s advice and invades the lair of their enemies, the Frost Giants, in response to an attack by three of their number. Thor’s thirst for violence and his reckless endangerment of his comrades make up Odin’s mind. For selfishly provoking a war that now threatens all of Asgard, Odin strips Thor of his god-like powers and banishes him, sending him to Earth as a mere mortal.

On Earth, Thor falls from the sky in a bizarre thunderstorm. He is found by Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), who has been researching cosmic events, hoping to find some form of alien life. Of course, she never expected one to drop in her lap.

Unfortunately, agents of SHIELD, a secretive government agency, descend on Jane’s small research office and seize all of her files and data, ending years of valuable research. Then Thor learns that the SHIELD operatives are guarding an area surrounding a strange hammer – an immensely powerful weapon which once belonged to Thor, but now lies fixed immovably in the ground. Thor promises to retrieve all of Jane’s data after getting his hammer back. He knows the hammer will go to the one that proves himself worthy of it. For everyone else, the hammer remains stuck in the mud where it fell, like the sword of Excalibur.

When Thor tries to pull his hammer free, he finds it just as resistant. He is devastated to learn that he, too, is no longer worthy to carry the hammer of power.

After Thor is captured, he is visited by his brother, Loki (Tom Middleston), who had secretly instigated the events leading up to Thor’s banishment, and his own ascendancy to the Asgardian throne. He deceives Thor, telling him that Odin has died, and Thor’s mother, Frigga (Rene Russo), has refused to let Thor return home. “This is goodbye, brother,” Loki tells him. “I’m so sorry.”

Instead of raging against this turn of events, Thor responds humbly. “No. I am sorry,” he says. “Thank you for coming.”

For the first time, he recognizes that there are things more important than his own quest for power and glory.

And more important than himself.

Thor’s Asgardian warrior friends soon come to bring him back, telling him that Odin is still alive. When Loki sends an armored giant to destroy Thor and everyone around him, Thor refuses to join his friends in battle. “My friends. I’m just a man. I’ll only be in the way. Or worse, get one of you killed. But I can help get these people to safety.”

Instead of fighting, as he once thought a king should, Thor helps Jane and her team evacuate the town. Thor’s battle strategies have changed. Along with the way he views himself. He’s ready to serve others, rather than assuming center stage.

When the giant proves too much for the warriors, Thor urges them to return home. He refuses to let others suffer for his mistakes. He approaches the giant and addresses Loki directly, knowing Loki can hear him through his armored messenger.

“Brother, whatever I have done to wrong you, whatever I have done to lead you to do this, I am truly sorry. But these people are innocent. Taking their lives will gain you nothing. So take mine … and end this.”

With that, the giant knocks Thor aside, leaving him for dead, and turns to head back to Asgard.

But the hammer has now found a worthy possessor, and flies toward Thor’s hand. Giving him the power to defeat the giant, and rescue Asgard from his brother.

Giving him the power to rule.

In my church, I learned long ago that to have authority, one must be under authority. We have all seen people in authority refuse to follow the rules, refuse to submit to their superiors, and refuse to listen to sound advice. But the authority of such people rarely lasts long. Sooner or later, their lies and rebellion are exposed, just as Loki’s were.

Don’t presume to be more than you are, or to know more than you know. The Bible says, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). That’s wise advice for people who long to become leaders. Great leaders must first be great listeners and servants.

And followers.

Find more reviews of “Thor” at amazon.com!

by Randall Allen Dunn

Now THAT was cool.

Nicki and I saw the pilot for the new TV series, “Once Upon a Time”. I had just seen an online ad for it the weekend before, and decided that it looked like one of the few new shows I might actually commit to watching. I was right.

Cleverly presenting fairy tale characters in a believable light, the series shows Snow White (Ginnifer Goodwin) being brought back to life by the kiss of her Prince Charming (Josh Dallas). But before they can live happily ever after, the Evil Queen (Lana Parrilla) intrudes on their wedding, and threatens to ruin the lives of Snow White and everyone she knows. Snow soon learns from the imprisoned Rumpelstiltskin (Robert Carlyle that the Queen intends to banish everyone to a place where they will be frozen in time, never able to return home. A place where there the only happy ending will belong to the Queen, while everyone else remains trapped in time, with no future and no hope.

She’s sending them to our world.

A world with people like Emma (Jennifer Morrison), a bailbondswoman – that is, “bounty hunter” – who was abandoned at the side of the road as an infant, never knowing her parents. She has no family, other than a son she gave up for adoption ten years ago.

A son named Henry (Jared S. Gilmore), who appears at her door, on her twenty-eighth birthday. Henry has run away from his home in Storybrook to find Emma, his birth mother. Not simply for closure or connecting with his birth family, but because he’s been reading a storybook, which reveals that every character within its pages is real. And one of those characters is Emma herself – the adult daughter of Snow White.

Snow White and her husband had sent her alone, as a baby, in a magical wardrobe created by Gepetto (Tony Amendola) and his son, Pinocchio (Jakob Davies), to escape their fairy tale world that the Evil Queen was about to curse. Only one person could be sent through the wardrobe, and Rumpelstiltskin had revealed that Snow White’s child would fight to free them, once she turned twenty-eight. Which is why Henry believes that Emma can now bring about change in his village of Storybrook, where time has been frozen. The town clock has been stuck forever at 8:15.

Henry’s adoptive mother, Mayor Regina Mills, is really the Evil Queen in disguise. And she’s none too happy to discover that Henry has been learning about these fairy tale stories from his teacher, Mary Margaret Blanchard – who happens to be Snow White. Only she doesn’t know it. None of the fairy tale characters know who they really are in this world.

When Emma asks why Mary considers fairy tales so important for her class, Mary explains that the grade school children find something in these stories that they can’t find anywhere else: hope. Hope that there can be a happy ending for them. Hope that even in their deepest moments of despair, things can still change for the better.

I can’t speak for everyone else. I live my life by faith, and I see God working in my life when I do what he tells me to do. When I have problems with finances, relationships or projects, I find that God resolves every crisis, as I trust him to do so. As Beth Moore states in her book, Get Out of That Pit, “Things don’t just work out; God works them out.”

So I can’t say, “Things will work out”, or “Everything happens for a reason”, or “Time heals all wounds.” That might or might not be true for others. I know for myself that “All things work for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).” So I know that whatever life throws at me, God can take care of it and lead me through to the other side of it.

I also know that “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1).” No one hopes for what they already have, but only for what they don’t yet have. They hope that their situation will change at some point, to bring them the resolution they need. Because I trust God to provide for me and lead me in life, I can hope in complete confidence, knowing he will take care of me no matter what happens.

I can’t say that for everyone else. Nor can I believe that “crossing your fingers” or “having positive thoughts” will actually accomplish anything.

In a crisis over which people have no control, hope is the only thing that can sustain them. When their world is about to be destroyed, Snow White knows that their only chance for survival – their only hope – lies in sending her infant daughter alone into the wardrobe. She has to believe Rumpelstiltskin’s prophecy that Emma will rescue them all one day. It’s only by hope that Snow can give up her child this way, or believe in a future for herself after she finds her husband dying, shortly afterward.

It’s only by hope that Mary – the “real world” Snow White – can keep visiting her loved one – the “real world” Prince Charming – and leaving him flowers as he lays comatose in a hospital bed.

As she hopes for a better tomorrow.

Many people, insisting they live in the “real world”, consider such hope a fairy tale. They figure if they can’t see it or touch it or prove it by a scientific process, it can’t be real. They fail to consider that such “scientific proofs” don’t work on many of the things that matter most in life: such as love, truth, honor, trust … and hope. These things are intangible, and yet they are the things that hold us all together. When the “real world” fails to provide scientific solutions that can be controlled, people must depend on those intangibles – those indispensible things that make life and the universe continue to function. The love of our families, the truth of what is right, the honor and trust of those around us – and the hope that these things will spur others to help us when we need it most.

As for me, I trust in God, and my hope is secure, no matter what happens to my world.

How secure is your hope when you need it?

“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?” – Romans 8:24

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